It is OK to want things, it is human nature.  We often feel like we need it because it feels like a survival issue, but is it actually?  Could there be power in just wanting it instead?

I love the tool of Want Vs Need.  When I am in a situation where I am feeling the need to micromanage or overstep my bounds, I like to pause and ask “Is this a want or a need?”

Sometimes we feel we “need” something, but that can get us into trouble and live outside of what we value.

My Hubby’s Turn to Wash the Dishes –

If I “need” my husband to do this each night. Then it can set me up for conflict on nights when he is working late or if I have time to do it and he is helping my son with homework, then I won’t be open to stepping in and doing them, or if I am I will do so pretty grumpily.

If I “want” my husband to do the dishes each night, it is easier to be more balanced about it.  If he is working late I may be more open to helping him with grace.  

In the end he may do the dishes the same amount of times each week.  But when I “need” him to do it, I have a completely different energy about it than if I “want” him to do it.

Son going to church –

So if I “need” to have my child go to church and have “faith” that is going to cause me to make all kinds of interesting choices.  Maybe I will force him to attend church in a desperate way.  With yelling and a lot of intense energy.  Maybe I will turn a blind eye to choices he is making, because I don’t want to see it.  Which will not lead to healing or open communication.

However if I “want” my child to go to church and have “faith” that has a different energy.  Of course as a Mom of faith I hope and want my child to have positive faith experiences and go to church.  However, I am able to approach this topic from a different more neutral platform.  (Neutral, Curiosity and Courage podcast)

I could calmly set a family rule and also follow through with it from a place of peace about attending church as a family.  Even be open to him choosing to attend different churches to find one that fits for him.  Also I wouldn’t turn a blind eye to behaviors, it would instead be a great launching point for discussion. 

Homework

This week if you notice you are in conflict with a situation or person, pause and as “Do I want this or need this? If it is a need, pause again and re-evaluate, is it an actual need for survival, or can you shift to wanting it instead? 

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