One night I had some friends over at my house. We were having a great time. My teenager came home, said hi to everyone and I thought nothing of it.
A day later one of my friends called and said she had to tell me something.
She sounded hesitant but said she had prayed about it and knew she had to tell me. I reassured her and told her to tell me. If she was inspired to tell me something, I wanted to hear it!
She explained she had an impression that my son was on drugs that night. She had experience with this herself, via family members. So she knew the signs.
I told her Thank you!!!
Then talked to my husband, prayed and pondered.
I bought some drug tests off of Amazon, just in case I wanted to go that route.
Drugs or Jet Lag?
That night we sat down with our son and asked about drug use. He reassured us that he hadn’t used any. He said, “I will pee in a cup right now if you want.” How I wished Amazon Prime was a 4 hour service instead of 48 hours. (this was back in 2014, today I probably could have gotten it in 4 hours!)
We said maybe we would do something like that in the future. But right now we just wanted to talk.
We had a great discussion, about drugs, friends, communication, etc. In the end we realized that his behavior was probably related to having come home from Australia the day before my friend saw him and having jet lag.
8 year old offers to be test subject
2 days later the Amazon package arrived. I had ordered a set of 5 drug tests and frankly, even though I believed my son, I wanted to try out one of these tests. Bryson, my then 8-year-old volunteered to pee in the cup.
But I wanted the 16- year-olds pee. So I requested it from him, though I was a little nervous about it. Would he be mad? Would he really test clean?
Ahhhhgggg!!!! Talk about stressful.
He didn’t seem to mind being a test subject. He tested clean. I noticed he was pretty darn dehydrated and promptly gave him a lot to drink.
I said, “Now you know I have them and I will use them. Maybe it is good ammunition if someone offers you drugs.”
“Sorry, my mom randomly drug tests me, I can’t join in.”
He did tell his youth leader that we had drug tested him. The leader replied. “Your mom must really love you.” I thought that was a pretty good response on the fly. Or maybe he has lots of kids telling him that?
Was he Offended?
When I told my friends they were very concern I had offended my son by doing that. I was curious, so we I asked him. He assured me he hadn’t been offended.
I figure I would rather offend my child than not know he was doing drugs. But it was nice to know it hadn’t hurt our relationship in any way.
I WANT to Know!
I am SO glad my friend told me what she noticed. It ended up not being what she thought, but imagine if it was. I WANT TO KNOW if my kid is getting into trouble. Please tell me if you see any of my kids doing something wrong or dangerous. Or even if you suspect it. I won’t be the person who says, “Not MY kid.” Because while I think my boys are pretty amazing, I don’t know what they are doing every second of the day. They are human and make mistakes. I would rather be informed and then had a good conversation with my child and figure out what is going on. And hey, I might get to try out another drug test I have hidden in my house.
Fun Family Activity?
Let’s all take drug tests tonight??
I am partially kidding.
But what if for a Family Activity you show the 5 tests your ordered from Amazon (for only $25) and say, “These are in the house and I may randomly drug test anyone at any given point.”
Then talk about it.
- How does that make them feel?
- Do they think that is a good idea?
- Would it help them avoid drugs or push them towards them?
Man what a conversation starter!
In the Finding Joy in the Journey podcast episode 37 “the most powerful thought you can use to stay calm while parenting” I shared…
What teams do you have in your life?
Do you have too many?
Let’s talk about the power of teams, why do we need them, how do we create them?
We are not meant to survive on this earth on our own.
I think this is one of the hardest parts of COVID-19.
We are isolated.
Our normal support systems may have been decimated.
Or even if we are back at school or church, people are wearing masks and not interacting as much as they used to.
Let’s look at three different types of teams you can create.
- prayer groups
because you call on heavenly help together
This is where doing your daily spiritual routine is so powerful. When I take time each morning to do my MPoWeR (meditation, prayer, writing and reading) it connects me with my heavenly team.
I also love having a prayer group I can text anytime I feel I or someone I love needs prayers. I also love praying for them. It is powerful to have a team calling on heavenly help together!
Personal Teams (a team you create)
- church friends
- work friends
- walking buddies
- book clubs
- coaching partners
It is important to choose teams that uplift you and help you.
Helping each other is an important part of a team.
Sometimes it is healthier to not be a part of a team, if they are not lifting you up.
Professional Teams (a team you pay for)
- soul seed
- coaching groups
This last year I have had a business coaching team – soul seed which has helped me with my business. I had a team that helped me write and publish my book. I also pay for life coaching.
There is a time and place for all of these types of teams, for instance this year I definitely don’t need a book writing team, but maybe need a book marketing team.
Honestly for me I like to have all 3 types of teams!
And sometimes multiple of them. I have in the past been in 3 different book clubs simultaneously. Since COVID-19 I haven’t been in any and I miss it so much, so am hoping to start a zoom one this year.
Take a moment and pause and evaluate.
What teams do you have right now?
Do you need more or maybe less?
If you are ready to join a powerful team of me and other women, check out Essentials to Enjoy Life, it is a way to harness the power of other faithful women as we support and encourage one another with our goals and with finding joy in our journey.
Visit Essentials to Enjoy Life to get more information!
I have had my share of challenges while raising my boys. I spent the first 14 years or so of parenting losing my temper,…
This is something we really work together on in Essentials to Enjoy Life group coaching class.
- Recognizing when you are spinning
- Recognizing when someone else is spinning
- Learning how to stop spinning!
- Which helps you to avoid spinning wars.
What is Spinning?
Spinning is when thoughts and or emotions start swirling around in our head and body.
You can have positive spins
- Trigger – Roller Coaster
- Feeling – Excitement
- Thought – Remembering Fun trips there
- Trigger – Memories of Park
In Essentials to Enjoy Life class we focus more on negative spins, because those are what can cause problems
- Trigger – Roller Coaster
- Feeling – Sick, nervous
- Thoughts – Remembering throwing up on friend
- Trigger – Memories of being embarrassed
Another one, that is more common than seeing a roller coaster – dirty dishes in the sink!
- Trigger – Dirty Dishes
- Feeling – Frustration
- Thoughts – Memories, all the times he didn’t do the dishes
There is so much power in recognizing when you are spinning.
There is also power when you teach someone you trust and love about spinning, because when appropriate you can point it out to each other and help each other stop spinning.
Because so often when you are spinning, for some reason it seems to start a spinning war.
For example, if I am spinning about the dishes and my hubby is sitting there as happy as can be watching his show on TV. I don’t want him to be happy… so I will say or do something to provoke him to spin and then when he is spinning he does it back, so suddenly everyone is spinning and there is a lot of big emotions and thoughts and sometimes loud words swirling around.
Bryson, my youngest was the one who noticed this and named them spinning wars.
Over time I have learned to recognize when I am spinning and stop, which has helped to prevent these wars.
Recognizing patterns of spinning can help prevent a spin from happening!
Even knowing when you usually spin, seeing those patterns, can help stop a spin before it starts!
I started recognizing that back in the day, when I would go to book club, I would want the kids in bed and the dishes done when I came home. Often that didn’t happen. Once I recognized that pattern and that I would usually spin about it, I came up with a plan on how to handle the situation.
I even noticed that I would start spinning in the car while I was driving home, before even seeing the dirty dishes, thinking that there might BE dirty dishes would make me spin.
There is so much power in awareness. I developed and practiced a plan in my mind. If there are dirty dishes, I would just pause, take a deep breath and say, “Hi babe, will you do the dishes when you get a chance?” He would be like, “Sure” and then I would just sit down and visit with him, talk about book club.
This might seem hard or maybe it seems easy.
What I love about Essentials to Enjoy Life, is I teach a tool each week and you practice it throughout the week. First just recognizing you are spinning. That is it, just name it. We add a new tool the next week and practice that during the week.
My students are amazed at how much change they can achieve in only 6-8 weeks. No more yelling at kids to having a clean house and everything in between. It is personalized to each student, to what they want to work on.
Try noticing this week!
This week pay attention. Notice if you can tell when you are spinning. When you do, just say, “Wow, I am spinning!”
If you want to have more support to be aware of when you are spinning, learn your patterns of spinning and also and how to stop spinning, then check out Essentials to Enjoy Life group coaching classes.
We went back to church in the last few weeks my 15 year old mentioned, “Wow, I am out of practice. Church feels so…
How about you, is time weird for you too?
Should we just not count 2020 as a year?
Pretend it never existed?
Maybe it didn’t exist!
It almost feels like it doesn’t exist on whatever weird world I am living in.
But I do have a 2020 calendar with a lot of erased things we had to cancel.
But also a lot of things on my calendar in colored pens we did do!
So even though it feels different, I will keep 2020. It was 12 months that did happen.
I don’t know about you, but the last 9 months have moved in a very different time realm. Days could seem to last weeks. Weeks could move quickly like a day, or slowly like a month. Or both at the same time. It is super confusing.
Christmas is almost here!
What freaks me out is that Christmas is almost here and it literally feels like Christmas was 2 months ago!
My mind is a little bit boggled by it all.
I am about to start next years calendar and don’t know what to do. I usually love taking time in December to plan out the next year. I literally have a list of questions I go through each year, reviewing the past year and planning the next and it used to be so fun.
Now I am so conflicted. Is it even worth making plans for next year?
Do I put our ski week on there? What about the big choir trip to France in June? Or will it be sad if I have to erase it??
Use the AWARE tool to help me handle my feelings about calendaring for 2021
I guess if I take a moment to be AWARE about this question I can figure it out.
Aware – spinning about writing plans on 2021 calendar.
Wonder – be curious. I wonder why I am spinning about that? Of course that makes me spin, it was sad each month to have to erase plans. I know writing things down mean I might have to erase them. What would I like to happen? I would like all the plans I write down to happen.
Accept – be kind, it is OK you are spinning. I am human, of course I feel this way. Just allow myself to feel it. Maybe even accept that I was sad this year and I survived. IT wasn’t fun, but it was OK.
Respond –How can you respond to this situation intentionally. keeping in mind what you want to create. I want to create fun experiences next year. I want to stay in faith and hope. I want to make plans. I believe in the power of visualization and hope, so I want to respond from that place. Also knowing if there is disappointment, that will be ok too.
Exercise (faith, patience, agency) – I am going to choose to write in pencil our hoped for plans. Execute I will do it, even my end of the year routine I do and the planning for the next year routine. Do it with what I WANT To create. Evaluate – while I do it I will evaluate and accept how I am feeling and when I am done I will process how things went.
How has time felt for you in 2020?
Want my list of questions?
Contact me and I will email them to you. I am in the process of getting them typed up and pretty, but until then I am happy to send you a copy.