Let’s be honest—marriage takes work, especially when it comes to communication. Over the years, I’ve discovered some simple yet powerful tools that have transformed the way my husband Rob and I connect. I recommend these tools to my friends, my clients, and yes, I use them myself!
If you’ve ever felt a little conflict-avoidant (like me!), you’ll love the gentle framework these tools provide for sharing thoughts and feelings in a safe, loving way.
The Bullseye Question by Dr. Wyatt
One tool I adore is something I first heard on the Dr. Wyatt Podcast. It’s called “The Bullseye Question,” and it’s beautifully simple. Each night, take turns with your spouse asking:
- “What is one thing I did well today?”
- “What is one thing I could have done better?”
This takes only a minute or two but creates such a nurturing space for feedback and appreciation. It’s a wonderful way to make sure each person feels seen, valued, and gently challenged to grow—without slipping into criticism or defensiveness. I love how this quick check-in can spark deeper, more honest conversations throughout the day.
Connection Codes Emotion Wheel
Another favorite of mine is the Connection Codes Emotion Wheel. (There’s a book, podcast, and even a course—so many resources to explore!) The Emotion Wheel is a simple visual guide for identifying and naming your core feelings. Each night, Rob and I spend a few minutes going through the emotions we’ve experienced that day—no fixing, just listening and “oohing” in acknowledgment. This practice has helped both of us become so much more comfortable with our own emotions and each other’s. Sometimes, just naming what you’re feeling is the biggest gift you can give your marriage.
Demonstrating the Emotion Wheel
Let me share a quick example: When I made the recent decision to shift my podcast to a bi-weekly format, I felt a mix of emotions—some frustration, a little guilt, some relief, and also joy. Using the Emotion Wheel, I was able to talk these out with Rob. It felt so good to be able to name each feeling instead of letting them simmer under the surface. That’s what emotional literacy is all about—recognizing, expressing, and moving through your feelings together.
Benefits and Personal Experiences
Since integrating these tools into our lives, Rob and I have found so much more understanding and connection. Whether we’re dealing with everyday little stressors or bigger things (like Rob’s recent Achilles surgery!), having a framework to talk about how we’re feeling has made a world of difference. When emotions don’t get bottled up, our home feels more peaceful and our relationship stronger and more resilient.
Conclusion and Call to Action
If you’re looking for ways to nurture your marriage, I encourage you to give these tools a try—maybe just for a week or two, and see what happens. You can listen to their podcasts, pick up their book, or even take a class if you feel inspired. I’d absolutely love to hear what you discover, or if you have a favorite tool of your own! Feel free to leave a comment or send me a message.
Intentional, heart-centered communication really can transform your marriage. Let’s keep growing together, one gentle conversation at a time.