It is OK to want things, it is human nature. We often feel like we need it because it feels like a survival issue, but is it actually? Could there be power in just wanting it instead?
I love the tool of Want Vs Need. When I am in a situation where I am feeling the need to micromanage or overstep my bounds, I like to pause and ask “Is this a want or a need?”
Sometimes we feel we “need” something, but that can get us into trouble and live outside of what we value.
My Hubby’s Turn to Wash the Dishes –
If I “need” my husband to do this each night. Then it can set me up for conflict on nights when he is working late or if I have time to do it and he is helping my son with homework, then I won’t be open to stepping in and doing them, or if I am I will do so pretty grumpily.
If I “want” my husband to do the dishes each night, it is easier to be more balanced about it. If he is working late I may be more open to helping him with grace.
In the end he may do the dishes the same amount of times each week. But when I “need” him to do it, I have a completely different energy about it than if I “want” him to do it.
Son going to church –
So if I “need” to have my child go to church and have “faith” that is going to cause me to make all kinds of interesting choices. Maybe I will force him to attend church in a desperate way. With yelling and a lot of intense energy. Maybe I will turn a blind eye to choices he is making, because I don’t want to see it. Which will not lead to healing or open communication.
However if I “want” my child to go to church and have “faith” that has a different energy. Of course as a Mom of faith I hope and want my child to have positive faith experiences and go to church. However, I am able to approach this topic from a different more neutral platform. (Neutral, Curiosity and Courage podcast)
I could calmly set a family rule and also follow through with it from a place of peace about attending church as a family. Even be open to him choosing to attend different churches to find one that fits for him. Also I wouldn’t turn a blind eye to behaviors, it would instead be a great launching point for discussion.
Homework
This week if you notice you are in conflict with a situation or person, pause and as “Do I want this or need this? If it is a need, pause again and re-evaluate, is it an actual need for survival, or can you shift to wanting it instead?