podcast link to stop patterns

7 Steps to Stop Replaying the Patterns that are Hazardous to Your Joy – Episode 2:2

It is interesting to see how far I have come. 

I am mothering a high schooler differently this time.

My youngest son is 5 years younger than my middle son and as Bryson is doing high school things now, I can see so clearly how I am at least trying to do things differently this time.

I recently saw this with Bryson asking a girl to homecoming.

It is way different than when I was in high school, then a boy would just call up and say, “Do you want to go to homecoming with me?” and I would reply “Yes”

Carson (my middle son) had to come up with elaborate ways to ask a girl – from writing and performing a song at school, scavenger hunts, interesting props, etc. 

To me this was such a stressful time as I tried to help him with these things.  It was not fun for me at all!

So, this fall as Bryson started pondering asking a girl to homecoming, I sort of got sucked back into my old way of “helping” which was to stress out and try to help too much. 

I found myself saying, “I wish you weren’t even going, this is just too much.”

Luckily my friend and I coach each other every week and she really helped me to know I can just step back and let Bryson figure things out.  She told me that here, kids really just do a poster and the kids help each other make posters and do it on their own.

Finding a new thought

My original thought was  – “this is so stressful” but my new thought is “Bryson is having so much fun.” 

Once I shifted to this new thought, I had lots of chances to practice it. 

Interestingly Bryson said to me, “I know this stresses you out mom, but to me it is fun!”

I had to laugh and tell him, I know that is true!

Tool for today – when you find yourself replaying patterns that are not serving you,

1. Pause, what is this pattern and what thoughts, and emotions are behind it?

2. What do you actually want?

3. What do you need to do to create that?

4. What emotions do you need to clear to help open the path to take you there?

5. Clear the emotions

6. Choose a new thought and actions

7. Take them and give yourself grace and try again!

Tips to clear the emotions around the situation

Take a bit of time to figure out what you want and find a new thought and emotions to help you create that.  Sometimes you do need to also clear the emotions around it, especially if they are strong! 

The power of neutrality can be super helpful!

A fast and easy way to do this is scribbling – I have a podcast episode about this tool I will reference in the show notes!