For 2023, I have decided to shift the focus of my podcast to Parenting Challenging Children. the reason why I’m doing this is because so many of my clients come to me because they’re struggling with their children.
And I thought I’d make some episodes and do some interviews with some of my clients and just have this be a year where we can really dive into this topic. I’m going to talk a little bit more about this today as well as just pointing out the fact that sometimes we are our own most challenging children, so I’ll probably have a whole episode on that.
My Challenging Child
Let me just go ahead and jump into my story, parenting a challenging child. My first born, Devon is a great kid. He’s really a grownup now. He’s 25, so it is interesting parenting him as an adult, it is a completely different experience as parenting him as a child. I had a few phases of parenting Devon that were each very unique and each had their own unique challenges.
Pregnancy and Birth
And really, for me, it started during my pregnancy with him. Where I was on bedrest from 25 weeks due to preterm labor There was a lot of stress and a lot of worry, and a lot of things that happened during my pregnancy that made it challenging. It took me a few years to realize that what happened during my pregnancy with Devon influenced our relationship, and then I had a very challenging, scary birth experience, which also affected our relationship. But again, it took me years to come to this understanding. What happened with his birth is that, again, I was on bedrest. I was 34 weeks along and I woke up and noticed that he wasn’t moving and called the doctor and went in and he was under stress, and they had to do an emergency cesarean straight away.
So that was kind of the challenging start to Devon’s. I will say when he was a baby, things were easy. I did have a lot of concerns. He did have some developmental delays, but really till he was about six months old. Super easy baby. And then I started worrying about him and his delays.
Developmental Delays Addressed – but Doctors still Perplexed
But my doctor totally dismissed everything I was saying and was like, oh, he is a preemie, he’s fine. I ended up changing care providers and that doctor took it more seriously. We got him some early intervention with physical therapy and occupational therapy, and then when he was older, some speech therapy and there was just always this overriding worry that I had about him that put me in a state of nervousness, and I guess hyper vigilance with him that I think probably ended up creating some problems later down the line.
As he grew, there were some other challenges that arose too. He was very angry and sometimes would be very calm, but then would have outbursts of anger or frustration, and I did not know how to handle it.
And I went to therapy. I had him in some therapy and it just, was so confusing. Everyone was perplexed really by Devon.
Finally Some Help!
Finally, when he was about 10 years old, something happened that made a shift.
What happened is I was a Hypnobabies instructor at the time and I went to a training that was not Hypnobabies specific, but rather it was just a Hypnobabies instructor that was doing a training. I was like, oh, I’ll go to this. And she was talking about healing and getting over trauma, specifically birth trauma, because again, she was teaching childbirth classes and as I was also at the same time.
And it was just interesting, and she asked for a volunteer for, this trauma healing technique that she was using. And my hand shot up so quick. I’m like, oh yeah. I’ve had birth trauma with Devon. She had been talking about how sometimes birth trauma can affect children’s behavior, and I had never really heard this before and, let me tell you, I was ready to try whatever.
I had been trying things forever and nothing worked. So she walked through this experience with me and asking questions and just clearing emotions and doing all these things I didn’t really understand. But all I did know is afterwards I felt lighter. And the most telling thing is when I got home from that training, Devon was different.
or maybe just I was different and that made him different. Looking back, I don’t know. I just know I journaled that night and the following days and was like, wow, something has shifted and it made me very curious and wanting to learn more and understanding about birth trauma about, clearing trauma and how this could shift things.
I was inspired to learn more!
I started taking trainings. I started practicing on my children and my family members who are willing for me to practice these techniques on them, and then working on friends..
I will say it wasn’t like that one time and everything was magically better, and Devon was perfectly behaved, and I was the best mom in the world.
No. But everything had shifted in a really powerful way, and I was able to parent him from a different place. Not one from, fear and overprotection all the time. I was able to relax more, and I think that helped him to relax more. And then as I learned more tools and continued to work on both him and me, our relationship changed.
Again, I will be sharing so many more stories. That was like the early years with Devon, and if you’ve been around for a while, you know that Devon, gave me lots of other exciting learning opportunities as he grew. And honestly, looking back, I can appreciate each one. In the moment. It was challenging.
Our children are our greatest teachers!
However, sometimes we must remember our children are our greatest teachers, and as we learn tools to manage ourselves and to help them learn to manage themselves. Then those challenges become manageable.
And that is what I hope for you, is that if you have a challenging child, that these tools and tips that I’ll share each week can help you to better parent them.
And if you don’t have children, but you work with children or even realize,
“Oh, I have to parent myself through certain things”
I know that these tips and tools can help you as well.
So, I’m excited for this new change for 2023, and I hope that I am able to help you throughout this year.