You know, if you want to strengthen your arm, you get a weight. and you do reps of different movements with that weight to make your arm stronger. Don’t you wish there was some kind of weight or reps you could do for your brain or your emotions so that you could make them stronger and more fit? Well, I’m happy to say there is, and it’s called mental fitness.
It’s powerful. It can change the neuro pathways in your brain in only six weeks. They’ve done MRI studies showing this and proving that in six weeks of mental fitness training, which only takes two minutes, three times a day, you can make literal changes in your brain.
It is awesome.
Hiding in the Van? This is crazy!
Today I want to quickly share with you my convoluted yet, very inspiring story of how positive intelligence and mental fitness changed my relationships.
In 2020, I was at my nephew’s wedding and my husband Rob did something that upset me. I don’t even remember what it was. And I went out to the van and felt sorry for myself and was really frustrated myself because I am a life coach.
I. Know how to clear emotions around things. I know how to do things differently. I have a lot of knowledge that I’ve learned and I just couldn’t always apply it in the moment. And while I was sitting there in the van, I was distracting myself. And what happened is that I came across an email that
Shirzad Chamine sent, he’s the author of positive intelligence, and I must have been searching something. And it was like way back in my archives from when I took the saboteur assessment. And I did this years ago when I read the book Positive Intelligence, which my husband actually read first and then gave to me and it must have been probably,
10 years ago around when it first came out. And so I was reading this email and I was like, yeah, these saboteurs are coming up a avoider. Right. I run out into the van and I’m hiding during my nephew’s reception because I don’t want to address the issues that are going on. And I’m like, wow, this is really powerful stuff.
But how do I apply it? Again, it’s just more information, more knowledge that is helpful, but I still have all those old neuro pathways running and I didn’t know how to change it.
Taking a Mental Fitness Bootcamp Changed Everything
Fast forward a year later, it’s 2021. I still am coaching others in their relationships and helping them, and yet still struggling with my own. And I sign up for this six week class that someone was giving. And the reason why I signed up for it is because she was talking about Positive Intelligence and this app that they had for mental fitness.
That’s really why I signed up for it. I’m like, I wanna see what this is. Within a few days of starting that class and starting to use this app where I practiced what was being taught three to five times a day, and was prompted by the app to do so that I realized, oh, this is the answer. I am building my muscles.
It’s like lifting weights for my brain, for my emotions. And that’s when I was like, wait a second. This is really powerful. And I asked, could my husband take the class also, and really just the positive intelligence, mental fitness app part. And she said, yes. So I got my husband signed up and my son who was home. He had been on his own and was home because he had recently had some depression and anxiety and was really struggling.
So we did this six to seven week boot camp together. We watched the videos together, but they practiced on their own with the app.
And it was really great. I noticed some really positive changes in me and was able to now have a really easy tool, really easy tool that I had practiced and developed new neural pathways so that when things came up, I wasn’t like triggered automatically into my old responses.
Fast forward. about a month or two after that boot camp ended, I actually was starting to get trained as a PQ coach at this point. And my son woke us up early one morning. He was having a panic attack. I came out, I was helping him through that and I noticed he was doing PQ reps. When the, panic would come up, he’d start on his own doing PQ reps and it would help calm him down.
And I was like, wait a second. In this moment of panic, he is automatically going back to these tools that he learned through mental fitness, boot camp training. And he’s applying it. That’s when I knew. Okay. Yeah, this isn’t just helpful for me. It can be helpful for everyone and it has continued to prove to be so.
I spoke up and handled the response gracefully
Here I am a year later and last week. My husband and I were driving to a family event. And I was frustrated because we were late. I said something to him and his saboteur got triggered and he’s upset that I was angry with him and in the past, this would’ve like spun and would’ve probably ruined that day, that event.
And instead we live at the top of the mountain. We. Not even a quarter of way down the mountain. And I saw what was happening that my saboteurs were going and his saboteurs were going.
I didn’t say, Hey, you need to do PQ reps. I did some PQ reps. I got my Sage brain involved and calmed down and apologized and just said very calmly.
“I just wanted you to know I was upset. I’m sorry. If you felt like I was attacking you.”
I was fine. And then he was fine and it was a completely different experience than what would’ve happened a year ago. It is experiences like this that help me to see that mental fitness is something that can help us continually.
Through not only our relationships with others, but our relationship with ourself.
I didn’t eat the Ice Cream!
And the last experience that I’m gonna share it today anyway,
So I love ice cream and during COVID we would eat ice cream. Every single night was like my comfort blanket. and I’ve cut back quite a bit, but definitely actually through my whole life, like ice cream was where I would go if I was sad or feeling lonely. So last night my husband was working late and my only child now that’s left home, was out at a school event and I was feeling lonely.
I’m like, okay, I’m gonna choose to have a little bowl of ice cream. And I did, and I was down in the basement. Watching like a Netflix romcom eating my bowl of ice cream and then the ice cream was gone and I was feeling sad. Like the movie wasn’t helping, cuz it was kind of in the sad part and I’m like, I’m gonna go get more ice cream.
I’m gonna finish all the ice cream. And I decided that. And then I was like, oh, I’ll probably feel sick if I did that. I, I probably shouldn’t do that. Cause I know I’ll feel icky and gross and not feel good. but I was like, well, I don’t care. I’m gonna go do it. And I walked upstairs and then I told myself,
“do I wanna feel sick?”
No, I really wanna eat that ice cream. And I decided to do PQ reps. For maybe a minute, Then I took another breath and I’m like,
“okay, do I want the ice cream?”
And I didn’t, I didn’t want the ice cream anymore. And I put my bowl in the sink. And I went back downstairs continued watching the movie until my husband got home
and had I eaten the ice cream.
I would’ve been feeling sick and grumpy and not had a positive interaction with him. And since I didn’t eat the ice cream, I was feeling pretty good. Because, you know, I just had a small bowl for that first one and not too much. I was able to have a nice time with him and definitely a different experience than again would’ve happened, a year ago
when I really thought I couldn’t control myself around chocolate.
I had a deeply held belief. Chocolate has control over me. Ice cream has control over me and now I can see. I have formed new neural pathways. I know how to intercept my saboteurs and be in control
and make my yeses mean, yes.
And my nos mean, no.
I am in control and I love that..
Do You Have Trouble following through?
Do you have trouble following through on your yeses and no’s,
Do you eat ice cream for self care? Instead of taking a bath, even though, you know, a bath would actually make you feel better? Well, mental fitness can help you create new, strong, positive neural pathways that can help you take control of what you choose to do.