An easy phrase to change your energy around a situation
Today’s tip is “That’s not my responsibility.”
By saying this easy phrase, you might be able to lessen the stress in your life and also clear out some judgment about things too.
It’s easy for me to have a specific idea in my head about how things are supposed to go. and when I’m in situations, if they’re not going that way, it can get me very frustrated and it’s hard for me to stay patient. Or it’s hard for me to not jump in and try and change the situation.
So, this happens at home.
This happens at activities out in public.
This happens when I go to the store and I’m waiting in a line.
The way my mind works, I can always see a better way to do things. And it has caused me a lot of stress in the past.
What really helped me to shift was to say,
“It’s not my responsibility.”
It’s not that I don’t care about this situation.
It just allows me to let go of the need to change the situation.
Now, if it actually is my responsibility or I have a role or an ability to help out in a situation and it’s appropriate, I will go ahead and do that. I’m not talking about those things. What I’m talking about is when it really, truly is not my responsibility.
When I say that and accept it, it allows me to step back. Let other people own it and allows me to have a bit more patience in situations and enjoy the situations more as well.
This can help when others are having strong emotions
This also can work when other people are having strong emotions. to a situation that maybe you have a role in, but you are not responsible for their emotions. I had a very extreme situation where this happened and I’ll share it in a way that hopefully won’t be too specific so that no one will be embarrassed.
I was at a choir event sitting on a row with a number of people. And someone behind me kept talking because they didn’t understand what was happening. And so I’m like, do you want me to move back there and help you? And they’re like, sure. And so I moved back to help them. What I didn’t know is the person next to me was feeling very unsure also.
And the person next to her had moved away from her. I didn’t know that I hadn’t seen that. And so this person was left all alone on the row and felt very abandoned and very upset. And she left the room crying. I was confused, but then I’m like, oh dear. Like I sort of figured out, oh, she was left all alone.
I hadn’t seen the other person leave. So I didn’t know she was going to be alone when I moved, but that’s what happened. And she was having strong emotions about it.
Now I could have just said that’s not my responsibility and stayed in my seat and just let her have her emotions. But once I realized what had happened, I felt bad.
And even though I wasn’t responsible for her emotions, I definitely wanted to go and say, oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what had happened. I went out and I tried to talk to her, but she was too upset to talk. I went in the bathroom and cried, I did some PQ reps and calmed down. Was able to get in a place where I could go back in and function for choir practice.
I was still pretty upset because I had hurt someone else’s feelings, but I was able to calm down. And the story could have ended there, but it didn’t.
When I was leaving, her husband came in and verbally attacked me in a way that was inappropriate because it was really strong and very aggressive.
Scary and upsetting and I was already upset.
And then he left and I left and I was crying hysterically and went out and was sitting on the curb. And my son came out. He’s like, what is wrong, mom? And someone else came out and like, what is happening? Like they thought someone had died. I was so upset and that took me a little bit longer to get out of that spin.
Perfect Storm of Craziness
But again, remembering I was not responsible for his actions. What he chose to do was over the top and his responsibility, like he made a choice and then I got to choose. Okay, his over the top response was not my responsibility. I made a simple mistake, and was not intentional in what I did at all, because I did not know the other person had left.
I went to apologize and the person was not able to receive my apology at the time because she was so upset. And then her being so upset made her husband upset and then he made a choice and it was just this perfect storm of craziness.
And luckily I was able to go home. I walked and talked with a friend on the phone got it all out of my system and was able to see more clearly what happened and that it wasn’t my responsibility.
And that really allowed me to let go of what had happened. And I actually chose to write a little note and again, apologize and brought a little gift over to this person’s house later. I never heard back from them and that’s okay. But I did what I could do. I took responsibility for what I could and then left the rest up to them.
Like then the rest was their responsibility to handle their emotions about the situation.
This allowed me to have empathy
And I was able to let it go. And it stays in my mind as this really powerful, example of how things can get confusing and people don’t always understand what’s going on.
And I can have empathy for them and myself and the situation. And that is a wonderful Sage power of empathy.
Part of how I could have empathy was to have that perspective that it wasn’t my responsibility, her strong reaction was not my responsibility.
Now. I think it would’ve been totally different if I had attacked her in some way and actually was responsible for her strong reaction or if I had vindictively gotten up and moved away from her. That would’ve been completely different, but it was
innocent mistake on my part. And so I could let go of any responsibility for that.
I hope that you can try this tool this week. If a situation comes up, either with a person or an actual crazy situation, that you can keep in mind that. Everything is not your responsibility and what can you be responsible for or what should you be responsible for?
And then let go of what you’re NOT responsible for. And hopefully it will help you to find more joy in your journey.
Information about the Free Class
Let me tell you about this free class that I’m going to make available to you guys. It is called three easy steps to intercept your internal saboteur. I’ll share a quiz, so you can find out your top saboteurs. I’ll teach you an easy tool to learn, to recognize your saboteurs when they’re rearing their ugly heads, and then some more tools to intercept your saboteur and find more peace and joy in your journey!