You know, if you want to strengthen your arm, you get a weight. and you do reps of different movements with that weight to make your arm stronger. Don’t you wish there was some kind of weight or reps you could do for your brain or your emotions so that you could make them stronger and more fit? Well, I’m happy to say there is, and it’s called mental fitness.
It’s powerful. It can change the neuro pathways in your brain in only six weeks. They’ve done MRI studies showing this and proving that in six weeks of mental fitness training, which only takes two minutes, three times a day, you can make literal changes in your brain.
It is awesome.
Hiding in the Van? This is crazy!
Today I want to quickly share with you my convoluted yet, very inspiring story of how positive intelligence and mental fitness changed my relationships.
In 2020, I was at my nephew’s wedding and my husband Rob did something that upset me. I don’t even remember what it was. And I went out to the van and felt sorry for myself and was really frustrated myself because I am a life coach.
I. Know how to clear emotions around things. I know how to do things differently. I have a lot of knowledge that I’ve learned and I just couldn’t always apply it in the moment. And while I was sitting there in the van, I was distracting myself. And what happened is that I came across an email that
Shirzad Chamine sent, he’s the author of positive intelligence, and I must have been searching something. And it was like way back in my archives from when I took the saboteur assessment. And I did this years ago when I read the book Positive Intelligence, which my husband actually read first and then gave to me and it must have been probably,
10 years ago around when it first came out. And so I was reading this email and I was like, yeah, these saboteurs are coming up a avoider. Right. I run out into the van and I’m hiding during my nephew’s reception because I don’t want to address the issues that are going on. And I’m like, wow, this is really powerful stuff.
But how do I apply it? Again, it’s just more information, more knowledge that is helpful, but I still have all those old neuro pathways running and I didn’t know how to change it.
Taking a Mental Fitness Bootcamp Changed Everything
Fast forward a year later, it’s 2021. I still am coaching others in their relationships and helping them, and yet still struggling with my own. And I sign up for this six week class that someone was giving. And the reason why I signed up for it is because she was talking about Positive Intelligence and this app that they had for mental fitness.
That’s really why I signed up for it. I’m like, I wanna see what this is. Within a few days of starting that class and starting to use this app where I practiced what was being taught three to five times a day, and was prompted by the app to do so that I realized, oh, this is the answer. I am building my muscles.
It’s like lifting weights for my brain, for my emotions. And that’s when I was like, wait a second. This is really powerful. And I asked, could my husband take the class also, and really just the positive intelligence, mental fitness app part. And she said, yes. So I got my husband signed up and my son who was home. He had been on his own and was home because he had recently had some depression and anxiety and was really struggling.
So we did this six to seven week boot camp together. We watched the videos together, but they practiced on their own with the app.
And it was really great. I noticed some really positive changes in me and was able to now have a really easy tool, really easy tool that I had practiced and developed new neural pathways so that when things came up, I wasn’t like triggered automatically into my old responses.
Fast forward. about a month or two after that boot camp ended, I actually was starting to get trained as a PQ coach at this point. And my son woke us up early one morning. He was having a panic attack. I came out, I was helping him through that and I noticed he was doing PQ reps. When the, panic would come up, he’d start on his own doing PQ reps and it would help calm him down.
And I was like, wait a second. In this moment of panic, he is automatically going back to these tools that he learned through mental fitness, boot camp training. And he’s applying it. That’s when I knew. Okay. Yeah, this isn’t just helpful for me. It can be helpful for everyone and it has continued to prove to be so.
I spoke up and handled the response gracefully
Here I am a year later and last week. My husband and I were driving to a family event. And I was frustrated because we were late. I said something to him and his saboteur got triggered and he’s upset that I was angry with him and in the past, this would’ve like spun and would’ve probably ruined that day, that event.
And instead we live at the top of the mountain. We. Not even a quarter of way down the mountain. And I saw what was happening that my saboteurs were going and his saboteurs were going.
I didn’t say, Hey, you need to do PQ reps. I did some PQ reps. I got my Sage brain involved and calmed down and apologized and just said very calmly.
“I just wanted you to know I was upset. I’m sorry. If you felt like I was attacking you.”
I was fine. And then he was fine and it was a completely different experience than what would’ve happened a year ago. It is experiences like this that help me to see that mental fitness is something that can help us continually.
Through not only our relationships with others, but our relationship with ourself.
I didn’t eat the Ice Cream!
And the last experience that I’m gonna share it today anyway,
So I love ice cream and during COVID we would eat ice cream. Every single night was like my comfort blanket. and I’ve cut back quite a bit, but definitely actually through my whole life, like ice cream was where I would go if I was sad or feeling lonely. So last night my husband was working late and my only child now that’s left home, was out at a school event and I was feeling lonely.
I’m like, okay, I’m gonna choose to have a little bowl of ice cream. And I did, and I was down in the basement. Watching like a Netflix romcom eating my bowl of ice cream and then the ice cream was gone and I was feeling sad. Like the movie wasn’t helping, cuz it was kind of in the sad part and I’m like, I’m gonna go get more ice cream.
I’m gonna finish all the ice cream. And I decided that. And then I was like, oh, I’ll probably feel sick if I did that. I, I probably shouldn’t do that. Cause I know I’ll feel icky and gross and not feel good. but I was like, well, I don’t care. I’m gonna go do it. And I walked upstairs and then I told myself,
“do I wanna feel sick?”
No, I really wanna eat that ice cream. And I decided to do PQ reps. For maybe a minute, Then I took another breath and I’m like,
“okay, do I want the ice cream?”
And I didn’t, I didn’t want the ice cream anymore. And I put my bowl in the sink. And I went back downstairs continued watching the movie until my husband got home
and had I eaten the ice cream.
I would’ve been feeling sick and grumpy and not had a positive interaction with him. And since I didn’t eat the ice cream, I was feeling pretty good. Because, you know, I just had a small bowl for that first one and not too much. I was able to have a nice time with him and definitely a different experience than again would’ve happened, a year ago
when I really thought I couldn’t control myself around chocolate.
I had a deeply held belief. Chocolate has control over me. Ice cream has control over me and now I can see. I have formed new neural pathways. I know how to intercept my saboteurs and be in control
and make my yeses mean, yes.
And my nos mean, no.
I am in control and I love that..
Do You Have Trouble following through?
Do you have trouble following through on your yeses and no’s,
Do you eat ice cream for self care? Instead of taking a bath, even though, you know, a bath would actually make you feel better? Well, mental fitness can help you create new, strong, positive neural pathways that can help you take control of what you choose to do.
Check out mental fitness. I have a new class starting soon..
https://youtu.be/qyTCV-aJW7Q Today I want to quickly share with you my inspiring story of how Positive Intelligence and mental fitness changed my relationships. Hide in…
I love the story of Joshua
Today, we’re going to talk about how prayer can give you the power to knock down walls. I love the story of Joshua knocking down the walls of Jericho. God, didn’t tell him to break down the door to the city. God didn’t tell him to take a battering Ram and knock down the walls. God told him to circle the city with his army silently for six days in a row.
Then on the seventh day, circle it seven times and then blow the trumpets and shout. Do you remember what happened? They were obedient. I’m wondering how many were thinking it was crazy. And how many were thinking on the sixth day? Can’t we just blow the trumpets today? But they kept on going and being obedient.
And finally, the seventh day came and when they blew the trumpets and shouted, the walls fell down. Sometimes we need to circle our problems or a situation over and over and over again with prayer and hope and expectation that it will come to pass.
Tip 1 – Let others Faith help you Circle the Wall
Now, I have two powerful examples of this, that actually were not my prayers of faith, but my husband’s prayers of faith that he continued to circle.
At least one has come to pass and now I have hope the other one might. When we moved to Utah, our oldest son stayed in California. And my husband kept praying that he would move to Utah. And I honestly was just like, that’s ridiculous. He will never do that. I don’t even know if I ever prayed for it because I just felt like it was impossible, but my husband prayed for it all the time.
He circled the walls with faith, the walls of that situation, of Devon moving here, to be closer to us. He didn’t batter down the door. I don’t even think he really even mentioned it to Devon. He just prayed that one day Devon would move to Utah.
And then by a series of sort of unfortunate events, he did end up moving here and it ended up being really positive for him and for us, I feel like it healed our relationship in a positive way. And we now have a stronger relationship with him and it was fun having him live at home with us.
And I was amazed. That my husband’s prayers created this beautiful opportunity.
I believe in the power of prayer, I just couldn’t see it being possible
And I believe in prayers, I know prayers work, but I didn’t have the faith to pray that I just couldn’t even see that it was possible.
Probably like those people, at least some of those people marching around the wall were like, I don’t know if this is going to happen, but they did it. And I supported my husband and his prayers. I’m like, well, I hope that happens, but I’m not holding my breath.
Devon Going Back to School??
So another thing that my husband prays for Devon is that Devon will go back to school.
He started college and dropped out and is doing good things and learning good things and successful, independent, and is actually moving out now to live with some friends in a college town and his friends are going to college. And he’s just going to go there and work. And my husband has been praying and praying and praying and circling that wall that Devon will choose to go back to school one day.
I think really with Devon, I’m just the calm one. That’s like, Hey, Devon’s going to take his path. Whatever’s going to happen is going to happen. And I don’t pray for these specific things for. So, I don’t know that it’s a lack of faith as much as just acceptance, like, oh, Devon’s going to figure it out. But I love that my husband has that faith, that my husband is circling that wall and praying, and I’m just following along.
Okay. Whatever I love Devon, whatever happens is great.
My husband loves him too and knows whatever happens is great, but he has this wish and desire. That Devon will rise up and become the man that we know he can be. And part of that, he’s so smart and we want to see him, get a degree and get a good job.
And I just know it will happen somehow, but my husband does have this very specific vision. And I don’t know that it’s going to happen, but Devon did mention that maybe just maybe. He’d start going to college in January. And as I record this it’s August, I don’t know when I’ll actually post it. We’ll see what happens, but I know that my husband is going to keep circling that wall and praying.
And one day Devon will call and be like, “Hey, I signed up for classes” and my husband will blow that horn and that wall will be knocked down and Devon’s going to be successful and go to school. And pass his classes and get a degree. I think that could happen. And I will start praying for it now, too, that I saw that little glimmer of hope when Devon mentioned that to me. I like ran into my husband and I was like, you will not believe what Devon just said.
And Rob’s like, really? I’m like, yeah.
So that’s a personal example of how prayers can knock down walls.
Tip 2 – Prayers + Patience Can Knock Down Walls
I want to say it’s prayers plus patience can knock down walls. Again, I bet so many of those people following Joshua wanted to just blow that trumpet. Like on day two or day three, he’s like, Nope, let’s just be obedient.
Let’s allow it to happen on God’s time. And I feel that’s how it is with us and Devon, we have to allow it to happen on his time. But we can pray and we can circle that wall with love and prayer.
What do you want to circle?
I’d love to hear what, you want to circle. What is something big in your life that you feel like there’s a giant wall preventing you from achieving it, or someone you love that there’s a giant wall, preventing something good for them to happen.
And can you circle that wall with faith and love and prayer and help them to knock it down or just knock it down for yourself? Let me know. I’d love to hear.
Information about the Free Class
Let me tell you about this free class that I’m going to make available to you guys. It is called three easy steps to intercept your internal saboteur. I’ll share a quiz, so you can find out your top saboteurs. I’ll teach you an easy tool to learn, to recognize your saboteurs when they’re rearing their ugly heads, and then some more tools to intercept your saboteur.
I’ll teach you another way to do a PQ rep. And by doing this, you will find more peace and joy in your life. Now for the first 10 people who complete the class, I will also offer a free coaching call and information on how to sign up for that free coaching call will be inside that class. Now the class is going to be free and available to everyone at any time.
So if you listen to this a year from now, you can still go access that class, but the free coaching call will just be available to the first 10 people who sign up and complete the class. And it’s not going to be a very long class. I just want to make sure you understand the basics of what’s going on so that you can get the most benefit out of your coaching call with me..
Why transitions can be so tricky and how to make them easier. Types of Transitions We have natural transitions throughout the year. And then…
Versus What would Jesus do?
Today’s topic is what would Jesus do versus what would Jesus have me do?
Powerful Difference in these Questions
A friend brought up a very simple yet powerful difference between these two questions the other day.
No one is perfect except for Jesus. And of course he would choose to do something really amazing and powerful and perfect every time.
However, I am not perfect
AND Jesus can still use me in my imperfections.
One is more DOable
So if I was to ask myself, “what would Jesus do?”
I might be overwhelmed by the answer and might think I can’t do that because maybe I couldn’t do it in whatever the situation is or how I’m perceiving the situation.
It might just be too difficult for me to actually do what Jesus would do.
However, if I change the question and ask, what would Jesus have me do that opens up the possibilities to so many more things and more doable things that are going to make me confident in moving forward.
It is easy for self-doubt to still creep in when Jesus asks us to do something.
But having that perspective of it’s what he wants me to do, can hopefully give me the courage to move forward.
Putting in Time limits is OK!
Sometimes when I’m doing my to-do list for the day I have a spot that says, “what would Jesus have me do?”
And if I had a really busy day, I would put in the stipulation, what would Jesus have me do with two minutes?
Because sometimes that’s all you have in your day.
Sometimes you might have an extra hour and that’s awesome. You could say, what would Jesus have me do with this hour?
It’s okay if you only have one or two minutes, Jesus can still use you to do something incredible. And it might just be texting a friend.
My scary answer, became less scary as I got clarity.
So right now I’m going to try this. I’m going to ask, what would Jesus have me do with five minutes today and I’m gonna breathe and I’m gonna pause.
And it’s like a little prayer.
“Jesus, What would you have me do today?”
And instantly what pops into my mind is I have a friend that I’m going to reach out to and I’m gonna text her or call and ask what it is that she needs. I know she’s going through a trying time
and maybe I’ll actually offer to just bring her dinner, which will take me longer than five minutes. But I do have a double frozen meal in my freezer. So actually I could easily do that. As I take a minute to ponder what God is asking me to do.
I can do that because it won’t take me any longer to put two of those frozen meals in the instant pot. They both fit. So there we go. That was quick. That was easy to ask. And it scared me a little bit when I got the answer, but then I pondered, I breathed again, I stayed calm and I pondered, how can I do this?
And an answer was given to me. So sometimes it is a little scary to ask what would Jesus have me? And that’s okay. It’s okay to be scared, but it is also okay, I think to give those parameters with five minutes with, you know, one minute, what would Jesus have me do?
Or when a situation arises, like maybe you’re in the store and someone is grumpy to you, you could ask what would Jesus have me do?
And maybe Jesus would just have you smile. Or maybe Jesus would have you talk to the person who knows, but. Asking that question can give you an answer and by asking it, what would Jesus have me do? It puts it into a different perspective that makes it a bit more doable. I can’t wait to hear how this tool works for you this week.
My friend Laura invited me to her house the other night. Her husband has been working 70-80 hour weeks and she needed a little…
A simple choice of words can make a world of difference!
Bryson called me out on the words I first used and then I made a change.
In todays episode learn a simple tool to choose better words.
I love it when my kids correct me.
I love it. When my kids teach me things that I teach them. I said this statement to Bryson the other week, when we were thinking about making plans for the next school year and what different activities he wants to do. And he had a very busy week that week. And I said to him, we’ll worry about that next week.
And he said, “mom, there’s some pretty negative energy around that statement.”
And I said, oh, you’re absolutely right.
Pause to think, what is a better way to say it?
And I paused and I had to think what’s a better way to say that.
So I took a deep breath and I said, “how about we will look at all your options for next year and make a decision next week about it.”
And he said, “yeah, that’s way better mom”.
Don’t put my emotions onto others!
So we actually haven’t made all those decisions yet, but we have made one. And I think that’s another thing that is important to remember is first off, in my mind, it is something that we need to worry about. It’s something I am worrying about in the background, because I’m the type of person who likes to have a decision made and complete and Bryson’s.
And Bryson’s more the type of person that likes to have open ended options. He’s a lot like my husband, who’s the same way. He doesn’t like to make decisions. I was putting my worries and feelings about making decisions onto Bryson by saying it that way. We’ll worry about that next week. And instead, really all we needed to do is look at the options and make decisions, which still he doesn’t love to do, but it makes it neutral.
And we all know how much I think neutrality is powerful.
What words are you using?
So let’s look at how you can apply this tool in your life this week. Think about a situation that you have coming up that maybe you have some concerns or worries or uncertainty about. And think about the words that you use regarding the situation.
Maybe it’s an upcoming trip you have to plan, or maybe it’s a new job you’re looking for, or even just making dinner in the next week. There could be things ranging from all types of options. But think about the words you’re using. Are you thinking I’m gonna worry about that later or, oh, I need to worry about that now.
Or are you using more neutral words? Like, oh, I should take some time to ponder that, or I need to take a moment and stop and really feel what it is that I am longing for in this moment. So think of that situation. take a deep breath and think about some other words you can use that can help you feel more neutral about that situation.
I really liked how I changed it to. We’ll take some time to look at those choices and then make a decision. So giving yourself some time, even just saying, I’m going to set aside 10 minutes tomorrow to get in a calm place and ponder this. Is a much more neutral energy than feeling worry about something.
Some good alternatives
I’m gonna end this episode with just some positive ways that we can reframe things that we are concerned or worried about.
I’m going to take some moments to take a deep breath and ponder this situation from a neutral point of view. How would it feel to be able to see the situation from a place of calmness? How would it feel to be able to make this decision with confidence? How would it feel to stay calm and confident as I move through this next week?